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Babylon Bee genius
- Thread starter Djfan
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speaking of genius... sit down, pull up a chair, get some q-tips and get the wax out of your ears... this....
Electricity is almost as much fun as school buses.
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And Chik-O-Stiks
Good God. Sapporo came out me nose! Ouch
imagine electrical skewl busses!
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This episode of "Electricity taught by someone who knows nothing about electricity" is brought to you by ...
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The fact is that the left is giving so much material lately, that the Babylon Bee has been twice as funny as usual. They are geniuses.
Gavin Newsom Vows To Double California’s Violent Crime If Trump Doesn’t Stop Cleaning Up D.C.
Politics·Aug 14, 2025 · BabylonBee.com
SACRAMENTO, CA — In his ongoing public sparring with the administration over its agenda, Governor Gavin Newsom vowed to double California's violent crime rate if President Donald Trump refused to stop cleaning up Washington, D.C.
Acting as a constant and vocal opponent to Trump's policies, Newsom took things up a notch this week by promising to offset any progress Trump might make in his attempt to crack down on crime in the nation's capital by promoting even more violent crime in the Golden State.
"If Trump insists on lowering crime in D.C., then we're going to commit crimes even harder here in California," Newsom said in a video statement on social media. "We simply cannot allow him to get away with fundamentally changing the fabric of our nation by protecting innocent, law-abiding citizens from violent crime in our major cities. This ‘crackdown' on violent crime is a crackdown on America itself. Here in California, we're committed to spearheading the increase of murders, rapes, assaults, robberies, and all the other horrible crimes Trump seems to be dead-set on eliminating. Join me in standing up to Trump and his fascist agenda to make American cities safer."
Newsom reportedly set up a special task force to come up with a plan to increase violent crime in the state if Trump followed through on his promise to curb crime in Washington, D.C., including supplying criminals with the tools and resources they need to carry out their abominable acts. "I'm here to help," Newsom continued. "I've been a friend to criminals my whole career, and I'm proud to stand by them against President Trump's dangerous policies to promote safety."
At publishing time, Newsom was last seen carjacking an old lady's vehicle in downtown Sacramento.
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Adam Schiff Worried Legal Troubles Will Make It Hard For Him To Afford His Upcoming Head Reduction Surgery
Politics·Aug 14, 2025 · BabylonBee.com
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of a whistleblower's claim that he approved the leaking of classified information in an attempt to take down President Donald Trump, Senator Adam Schiff expressed worry that his legal troubles would make it hard for him to afford his upcoming head reduction surgery.
Schiff, who is also embroiled in a scandal stemming from allegations that he committed mortgage fraud, reportedly told those close to him that these ongoing controversies could pose a significant roadblock in his effort to have his freakishly large head surgically reduced.
"What am I going to do about my giant watermelon head now?" he asked one staff member in his office. "I already have my head reduction surgery scheduled, but Trump and his cronies are turning up the heat on me. I'm up to my neck in this legal mess. It might even keep me from being able to keep my appointment to get this giant head of mine shrunk down to normal size. My hopes of looking like a regular human being might be gone."
Schiff's aides revealed that he feared the charges against him could result in prison time, which would preclude him from having any opportunity to live the rest of his life as a man with a normal, human-sized head. "He's terrified that the surgery won't happen," the insider said. "He's been looking forward to this procedure for years, but it'll all come crashing down if he goes to prison. He'd just be stuck in a cell with his giant head for years."
At publishing time, Schiff had introduced legislation that would require taxpayer funding for federal prison inmates to receive head-reduction surgery.
Mason Rudolph when he was a kid.
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Talented white girl who isn't a dyke. The hate and jealousy is real. They should all be elevating their sport because frankly the wnba is operating at a loss every year.
So let's kill a new big draw to our sport. They deserve to fold since they're too damn dumb to help it succeed.
damn hateful *******.
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Am I the only one who laughs at stupid humor like this?
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someone (not me) should fill her mouth with **** so no one has to hear her speak ever again.
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So glad I have an air conditioner that doesn't need to be plugged in.
Canadian Government Praised For Euthanizing Nickelback
Entertainment·Feb 19, 2026 · BabylonBee.coms_buckley / Shutterstock
OTTAWA — The international community had reportedly changed its tune on assisted suicide, even going so far as to openly praise Canada following an announcement by Prime Minister Mark Carney that they had successfully euthanized Nickelback.
"No one will ever have to hear from Nickelback ever again," Carney said. "Their formulaic, repetitive songwriting can't hurt anyone ever again."
Canada's Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID) program had previously been vilified the world over, even attracting criticism from the United Nations. "Assisted suicide undermines the sanctity of human life and discourages people from even trying to improve their circumstances," said Miyeon Kim, chair of the UN Committee on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities. "But there was no fixing Nickelback. We all knew that."
Conservative American voices, previously among the staunchest critics of euthanasia, were also eager to congratulate Canada on the success of its euthanasia program.
"I've come around," said conservative podcast host Matt Walsh. "I used to think Canada was the enemy of modern civilization, but after they killed Nickelback, I can see the merits of euthanasia."
At publishing time, President Donald Trump had a phone meeting with Prime Minister Mark Carney to see about the legality of euthanizing CNN.