Man you are just Katsung with better english and grammar.
Katsung know rumors start, spread like wildfire and some type of infectious maladay. Cannot recall term for infection that spread person-to-person. Katsung Asian, immune to … whatever called. Wife claim she is helping neighbor, who is sick and remain in bed all week. Wife can be heard grunting and moaning and praying, "Oh, God, oh, God!!" All night long. Why is wife praying and helping neighbor move furniture? Katsung not sure.
Fortunately, prepared for trouble. Bought more than 100 pounds of quinoa, which is expensive rice. Problem is misread label, apparently have more than 100 lbs. of quinine. Good for treating malaria. Now need to get malaria. Hear tickets to southeast Asia cheap, can get malaria easily. Rub self with blood, wait for magic mosquito. Wife offer to help with bleeding. Explain that large amount needed to insure bite. But say that she want to save money, not buy two tickets to Vietnam, will inflict wound here in United States and I just let bleed as I travel.
Microwave not working. FBI and CIA expect me to call repairman, but I am too smart. Know that any microwave repairman just an agent sent to bug home. Fix microwave by self, tape down door latch, remove door, stand very near to insure working. Brilliant. Stupid FBI not smart enough for Katsung. Toilet back up, problem since now have strange burns on groin. Wife accuse me of self-inflicting with friction, but not true. Make sure to use lubricant gel. On food put in microwave, not self. Not sure how burns happen, suspect KGB and CIA using microwave weapon against me. Would not be first time.
So quiet outside. Few kids playing in park, no moms watching kids, so no moms watching Katsung watching kids. Just as well. Most moms married, husbands not friendly to Katsung using swingset and talking to kids. Katsung not afraid of such men, but have scooter in case need to get away.
Grocery store still open. Katsung use self-checkout to avoid groceries being bugged. Happen in Hong Kong years ago, rice had bug in it. Lots of bugs. Hidden as real bug but I know better. Self checkout allow me to leave store without scanning items, prevent FBI, CIA and KGB from monitoring what I am buying. They make poison based on what I eat, so now they don't know what I eat. Store not take word that I pay later, maybe since have not paid. Ever. Store tell me not to come back, but will learn Katsung have many incredible disguises to escape surveillance.
Virus. 繁體中文 in Chinese. Mean "good health and glad tidings." Go to park, wish well to one mom with kid. Sit next to young kid, say, "I share virus with you!!" Mom not happy. Dad show up. Learn scooter not very fast. Katsung wish quinine was iodine. Suspect angry mom an FBI plant.
Katsung work undercover as food delivery driver. Like to sample food, make sure up to standard. Make first delivery, test kung pao, food container not close completely, wish customer good health and glad tidings. Customer very violent. Seem irrationally angry, beat Katsung unconscious. I hear "Kung Pao!!" over and over. Will no longer deliver to small Asian grandmas, as too violent.
Continuing to watch pool. No swimmers. Think due to monitoring of Katsung, or due to 30 degree weather. FBI and CIA can make warmer, so must be due to monitoring.
Katsung update soon. Wife promise to help, say, "I will help you any way I can, my loving husband." Wife know FBI and CIA listening, so tell me in code, "Get the **** out, loser. I'll help you pack." Know wife code, smile and say, "And **** you too." Now know that small Asian grandma have dominant violent temper trait, pass on to mother-in-law and then wife. More kung pao. Hate spicy chicken now. Need more iodine.