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Well, given the reporters' inability to ask the right questions of a certain person of interest, it was up to your's truly to get to the bottom of things and ask some hard questions. Normally my interviews are a bit light, but in this case things went kind of serious very quickly. I think we'll all be surprised at the completely fictitious answers.
Hello Everyone, I'm here today with someone we're all very interested in. Lately there's been a huge scandal about under-inflated balls. Normally I'd have my wife on to do a big expose, but today I have something of an EXPERT who can give us some compelling information about balls and pressure. Please welcome our interviewee.
Interviewee: Thanks for having me. It's nice to be here. As you know I have a great deal to do over the next couple of weeks but I really want to set the record straight about this thing. And, later on if any of you crazy Steeler fans want my autograph or if you want to become fans of the GREATEST TEAM ON Patriots Planet just let me know.
Ok, let's get started. Did you specifically tell the equipment team to see to it that the balls are doctored to be like this during the game? Would you swear to that under oath?
Interviewee: Oh, my publicist should have given you an uh... a topic list.
Ya, she did. I just had a couple of off-topic questions and you know, this is kinda the hot button thing this week. If you could just indulge us. We are kinda live...
Interviewee: Ya well. Um. I, um like all the QB's like the balls prepared a certain way. You know, you don't want them slippery. You don't want the leather soft, um you want uh.
You want them underinflated by precisely 2 pounds?
Interviewee: Uh, I don't know what the uh you know pounds are. I'm not a nuclear scientist. I just play one on the football field. I do like the ball a little softer, you know. It's just a preference thing.
But that wasn't the question. Did you specifically tell the equipment team to see to it that the balls are doctored to your specifications during the game? and would you swear to your answer under oath if asked?
Interviewee: Well, I didn't tell them to "Doctor" the balls to my whatever. I said this is how I want them. And that's exactly how they were during the game. It's not like I hired a hitman to make somebody take air out of the balls or something. I say this is how I like them and that's how the balls are. No big deal.
Right, but if the way you like the balls are outside of the league rules and you're telling the equipment guys to see to it that the balls are exactly like that during games, aren't you in effect ordering somebody to go out and break a rule?
Interviewee: I don't know anything about that. I wasn't even aware that the balls weren't fully inflated until Monday. You'd have to ask somebody else about that.
How do you THINK the balls were deflated?
Interviewee: I'm not even sure they were. I mean I heard that somebody checked them and that maybe they were a little low or something. But I don't think it was enough to even make a difference.
11 of the 12 balls used by the **s in the first half were a full 2 pounds below the minimum pressure allowed by the rule book. That's almost 16% under inflated below the minimum required level. Every single professional QB, current and former who's been asked about this has said deflating the balls in such a way would create a huge advantage in catching the ball. Most, outside of two, Aaron Rodgers and former Chiefs QB Trent Green said a deflated football is also easier to grip and throw for a QB, particularly in the wet rainy conditions experienced during the AFC championship game. Furthermore running backs have said that a deflated ball is easier to grip as well, making it easier to run and gain hard yards against a defense.
Interviewee: So the balls were a little low. We beat them by like 40 points? What's the big deal?
Aside from the fact that the **s cheated in general, a deflated ball creates advantages in both the rushing and passing game. This can lead to extended drives that tire out a defense which leads to greater scoring and a demoralized opponent and ultimately can help cause a lopsided score. It's possible those deflated footballs created what amounted to a very large advantage. When you couple that with any other measures the **s may have been employing to cheat it's hard to say what the total effect of cheating had on the game.
Interviewee: EXACTLY. You can't say what effect it had on the game. We're so tired of this. Everyone does it. I don't know why the league always points at us.
Probably because you're the ones who are always getting caught. It may or may not be true that other teams are employing methods to cheat, but nobody is caught red-handed as often as the **s. But let's get back on track with the deflated footballs. I don't want to paint you out like the villain here.
Interviewee: Thank you!
Who on the equipment team has access to the footballs after they are returned from the officials?
Interviewee: I don't know, the equipment staff, the ball boys. Some of the players throw them on the sidelines to warm up.
Do you and the backup QB throw to receivers during warmups and other points of the game to stay loose?
Interviewee: Sure, sometimes.
So basically practically anybody, including you handled the footballs throughout the game?
Interviewee: Um. I see what you're trying to do. They're very closely monitored by the equipment guy.
You just said they're used during warmups and other times during the game. Is it possible somebody could have slipped a pressure gauge into a ball and relieved pressure from each ball individually then returned it to the ball bag?
Interviewee: I wouldn't know anything about that. I'm just trying to help my team win an championship.
Hello Everyone, I'm here today with someone we're all very interested in. Lately there's been a huge scandal about under-inflated balls. Normally I'd have my wife on to do a big expose, but today I have something of an EXPERT who can give us some compelling information about balls and pressure. Please welcome our interviewee.
Interviewee: Thanks for having me. It's nice to be here. As you know I have a great deal to do over the next couple of weeks but I really want to set the record straight about this thing. And, later on if any of you crazy Steeler fans want my autograph or if you want to become fans of the GREATEST TEAM ON Patriots Planet just let me know.
Ok, let's get started. Did you specifically tell the equipment team to see to it that the balls are doctored to be like this during the game? Would you swear to that under oath?
Interviewee: Oh, my publicist should have given you an uh... a topic list.
Ya, she did. I just had a couple of off-topic questions and you know, this is kinda the hot button thing this week. If you could just indulge us. We are kinda live...
Interviewee: Ya well. Um. I, um like all the QB's like the balls prepared a certain way. You know, you don't want them slippery. You don't want the leather soft, um you want uh.
You want them underinflated by precisely 2 pounds?
Interviewee: Uh, I don't know what the uh you know pounds are. I'm not a nuclear scientist. I just play one on the football field. I do like the ball a little softer, you know. It's just a preference thing.
But that wasn't the question. Did you specifically tell the equipment team to see to it that the balls are doctored to your specifications during the game? and would you swear to your answer under oath if asked?
Interviewee: Well, I didn't tell them to "Doctor" the balls to my whatever. I said this is how I want them. And that's exactly how they were during the game. It's not like I hired a hitman to make somebody take air out of the balls or something. I say this is how I like them and that's how the balls are. No big deal.
Right, but if the way you like the balls are outside of the league rules and you're telling the equipment guys to see to it that the balls are exactly like that during games, aren't you in effect ordering somebody to go out and break a rule?
Interviewee: I don't know anything about that. I wasn't even aware that the balls weren't fully inflated until Monday. You'd have to ask somebody else about that.
How do you THINK the balls were deflated?
Interviewee: I'm not even sure they were. I mean I heard that somebody checked them and that maybe they were a little low or something. But I don't think it was enough to even make a difference.
11 of the 12 balls used by the **s in the first half were a full 2 pounds below the minimum pressure allowed by the rule book. That's almost 16% under inflated below the minimum required level. Every single professional QB, current and former who's been asked about this has said deflating the balls in such a way would create a huge advantage in catching the ball. Most, outside of two, Aaron Rodgers and former Chiefs QB Trent Green said a deflated football is also easier to grip and throw for a QB, particularly in the wet rainy conditions experienced during the AFC championship game. Furthermore running backs have said that a deflated ball is easier to grip as well, making it easier to run and gain hard yards against a defense.
Interviewee: So the balls were a little low. We beat them by like 40 points? What's the big deal?
Aside from the fact that the **s cheated in general, a deflated ball creates advantages in both the rushing and passing game. This can lead to extended drives that tire out a defense which leads to greater scoring and a demoralized opponent and ultimately can help cause a lopsided score. It's possible those deflated footballs created what amounted to a very large advantage. When you couple that with any other measures the **s may have been employing to cheat it's hard to say what the total effect of cheating had on the game.
Interviewee: EXACTLY. You can't say what effect it had on the game. We're so tired of this. Everyone does it. I don't know why the league always points at us.
Probably because you're the ones who are always getting caught. It may or may not be true that other teams are employing methods to cheat, but nobody is caught red-handed as often as the **s. But let's get back on track with the deflated footballs. I don't want to paint you out like the villain here.
Interviewee: Thank you!
Who on the equipment team has access to the footballs after they are returned from the officials?
Interviewee: I don't know, the equipment staff, the ball boys. Some of the players throw them on the sidelines to warm up.
Do you and the backup QB throw to receivers during warmups and other points of the game to stay loose?
Interviewee: Sure, sometimes.
So basically practically anybody, including you handled the footballs throughout the game?
Interviewee: Um. I see what you're trying to do. They're very closely monitored by the equipment guy.
You just said they're used during warmups and other times during the game. Is it possible somebody could have slipped a pressure gauge into a ball and relieved pressure from each ball individually then returned it to the ball bag?
Interviewee: I wouldn't know anything about that. I'm just trying to help my team win an championship.
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